In paradisum deducant te angeli

I'm emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted.

Last night I went over to the hospital and stayed with my Oma from 8:00pm 'til 1:00am. I just sat with her and held her hand. I prayed the rosary out loud in French and then prayed vespers and then sang every hymn I knew the tune to from the hymns at the back of my breviary. And then I just sat there and prayed for her and told her that I loved her. I stayed with her until I started nodding off, then I went home and slept 'til 6:30am and came back. Besides going to Mass this morning and running home to pack I stayed with her until I had to leave to come back to the city this afternoon.

We gave her IV fluid hydration through the night, hoping that might help, but that didn't seem to improve her condition. Since the IV fluid wasn't helping we decided not to continue. This afternoon, shortly before I left, she received the anointing of the sick again.

I feel like I've been crying all day. Probably because I have been. Or at least most of the day. It was really hard to say goodbye this afternoon because I knew that it would probably be the last time I would see her alive. I love my Oma so much. I think the hardest thing in many ways though is watching my Opa suffer as he watches his wife dying. If I'm having such a hard time, I can only imagine what he's going through. Please pray for my Opa.

I wish I could be by my Oma's side during these last hours. . . days. . . but I needed to come back to school, especially since I might have to miss school for her funeral, depending on when that is. I'm glad I travelled home to see her this weekend though.

My Oma wasn't just a distant grandmother but rather was really another parent for me. I saw her almost every day growing up. I don't know what life is like without her. She's one of those few people in my life who's unconditional love for me I have never questioned nor doubted. I always knew she loved me.

I'm incredibly grateful for the gift of her in my life. And although it is difficult to watch someone you love approach death, I am grateful that at least she is not suffering. She is simply asleep and won't wake up. At least she does not seem to be in pain.

This is not easy. It's the first time I've watched anyone I know and love approach death. I've never had a loved one die.

Please pray for my Oma and my family. I don't think I'll be blogging much this week.