Monastic Weekend

I spent this past weekend attending a monastic live-in for women at a nearby Benedictine Monastery.

It was an interesting experience, although definitely not what I was expecting. I figured it would be quiet and peaceful and God would give me some great revelation with regards to my future. That's not exactly how things turned out.

It was quiet. It wasn't peaceful. I'm glad I went though.

God works in mysterious ways you know, I think he had to drag me out of the chaos of my life, and set me down in an Abbey on a hill top to shake me up a bit. To be honest, it wasn't a peaceful weekend, it was a weekend of complete and total frustration and spiritual trials. It wasn't fun, but I know that God called me there for a reason. He needed to get me away from the distractions of my busy life to reveal to me where I'm really at in my spiritual journey.

It's discouraging when you think you're on track and then God opens your eyes to areas of your life you don't even want to see or touch with a ten foot pole. At the same time, it's also best to acknowledge and respond to what God is revealing.

So rather than quietly sitting around pondering my vocation, I seem to have spent this past weekend in spiritual turmoil, ending it off with me kneeling in tears before the Blessed Sacrament and more confused than ever about where I'm coming from, where I'm at, and where I'm heading.

I guess it's all part of God's plan though.

I prayed that he would bless my time on retreat. I guess he did. My idea of blessing was a nice peaceful and relaxing weekend. His idea was different. Even though it wasn't pleasant, I know that even if I can't understand it, God blessed my time up at the monastery. God knows where I am hurting and wants me to seek true healing. He won't let me be flipant and just move on with life as normal (which is really tempting) because he knows the depths of my soul and understands better than I do myself what interior spiritual battles I am facing.

Just another example of how God always answers our prayers but not always in the way we expect.

I think that the weekend also brought my attention to areas of my spiritual life that I have been choosing to ignore, using my busy life as an excuse. I've been telling myself that I'm too busy to take the time to really face the underlying weaknesses in my spiritual life.

I know that this musing is very random and vague, but I figured I should put something up about the retreat, even though I don't understand what God is doing in my life right now.